Will all due respect, you can’t buy talent with a Visa card. Tiger Woods first set of golf clubs were fashioned from odds and ends around his parents house: a knob off an old sink, one of those candy cane shaped plastic tubes, some duct tape and an old radiator hose. His father took little seven-year-old Tiger with him to the Chad Williamson Classic 9 course in Bloomington and history was made. Tiger’s Dad-given name Huey-dubbed Puddin’ by his Aunt Clarisa when his love for Rice Pudding became apparent at the annual Banjo Bonanza of Bloomington Blowout-made the unfortunate decision to eat a footlong wiener while trying to negotiate one of the notoriously speedy carts at the CWC9.
Little Tiger, completely oblivious to the terror that was to ensue, smiled like a beacon of youth as the glistening sunlight kissed his pudgy little chipmunk cheeks. For the first time in his life, Tiger felt unencumbered of his usual restraints: intense shyness, poor fashion sense and a mind-numbingly silly name. Feeling empowered by his surroundings and an as yet undetermined calling, Tiger stood up in the cart and yelled at the top of his lungs, “I’M ON THE BRINK OF GREATNESS!!!” Puddin’, shocked at his sons boisterous outburst, hurtling along in the cart at a deceptively fast 7 miles-per-hour, simultaneously lost control of the last bite of his wiener and the cart.
What happened next remains unclear.
One witness, Harlon Diddle, a retired glue salesman from nearby Shadsville, swears that in one of his most lucid moments in years, he saw the whole twisted event unfold.
“When Puddin’ lost control of the cart and the wiener he screamed out, ’Fudgebucket!’ Then he veered off the paved path, clipped a Wisconsin Fir and flipped the cart. Puddin’ was wedged under the cart, but Tiger lay a few feet from the cart, unconscious.”
“Please, please, God,” Puddin’ pleaded. “Let my boy live. Please bless my boy. Please give him a gift that will translate to big bucks from silly, totally left-field type endorsements like Prune Juice and Toner Cartridges!”
Tiger rose up a few minutes later and the rest, as they say, is history.
Tear it up, Kat!